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[23 May 2006|08:27pm] |
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Today i woke up with a woman i've never met in my room. She was holding a vacuum cleaner. With a simple look at me and a shrug, she powered it up and started vacuuming. Apparently my mom has given up housework altogether and is trying out once a month maids. And they are annoyingly not shy. I went outside. It felt like summer. I started to think about how cool God was, and how I dont think about him enough. I looked down. There on my arm, was two flies doing it. gross. It's like God was saying "serves you right." I laughed. I played frisbee today. I was doin alright. Then my foot found its way into a hole. My ankle snapped. I heard it. 3 hours later im sitting here with a massively swollen ankle, a brace, and a pack of frozen crowder peas on my leg. What are crowder peas? They are cold. My ankle hurts. I hope I find a reason to hobble out of the house tonight.
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| what the fuck is MEANT to be? |
[15 May 2006|10:39pm] |
These past few weeks can be defined in only one way, simply: "what the fuck?"
I seem to curse a lot more lately. I need to stop. High school is over. I miss it. Do i miss it? No. I miss it's people. But i see it's people. So what do i miss? i have no friggin clue. hence my confusion. Maybe i just need a healthy dose of college. yes, i need a healthy dose of college.
My mother was sick for mothers day. Irony? yes.
I guess i got so used to having fun after thursday night, my last two days have been downers. I hate not having fun. Im getting a job. Maybe. Jesse Brown's is considering hiring me, but im up against 6 others, one of whom, margaret, is a 26 year old business woman who seems way more qualified than ill ever be. I need that job. Margaret has to go.
Others things in life havent been going that well either, and i would say im sorry for bitching about life on livejournal, but i mean who am i kidding, none of you are reading this for any other reason than to see some one else bitch about life. I love it, i do. But i cant figure out why i dont right now. I lack fulfillment. thats the answer. In daily life and in my relationship with God. Bad thing? yes. something i cant overcome? not at all.
"Hearken to me, ye that follow after righteousness, ye that seek the LORD: look unto the rock [whence] ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit [whence] ye are digged." Isaiah 51:1
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| A thing called Bittersweet |
[18 Apr 2006|05:18pm] |
17 days till the end of my high school career right? I should be psyched out of my mind. I've waited 13 years for the day when i would be done with grade school and on my way to being a doctor. I've made so many good friends at my school, mostly because i've been there for so long. There were so many good times over these past 13 years.
And that is why i am not psyched out of my mind. I've got crazy mixed feelings about this whole leaving my home behind thing. Cause thats what charlotte christians become. Neglecting sleep i've spent more than half of my life there. Of course where my family is will always be "home" but CCS has become pretty damn close for me. I will miss it, but more importantly i will miss the people there. Dont get me wrong, chances are ill keep in touch with most of my freinds for at least the first few years, or at least i hope to, but there are so many people ive grown acustomed to that frankly i probably wont see again. Thats a fucking shame. Im pretty confident that im not the only one who agrees with this.
I think it would be a magnificent thing if i could go to all of your weddings in the next few years. Meet your kids. Meet your wives. Meet your husbands. Come to your workplace. If only life was like that. Its a fucking shame.
By the way. i know i cant change the way life works, but i can try. All of you are invited to my wedding. Hope to see yall there.
The thought just dawned on me that since i havent posted in a few decades, no one probabaly reads this thing anymore. shit. oh well. whoever happens to stumble across this little golden nugget of thought, you my friend, i will see you on that happy day.
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| and you could have it all... |
[19 Jan 2006|07:56pm] |
the bad thing about livejournals is you feel bad if you dont update them. its like your not letting it fulfill its purpose. your hindering it from telling everyone else whatever it is about your life that you havent shared already. your a jerk. well, the truth is, nothing is going on right now. the most exciting thing that has happened to be recently was i trashed a jumper cable. its depressing to know that the plastic dripping off the cord onto your hood may be the most dangerous or exciting thing that will happen to you this week. i may go to winston salem tommorrow. maybe somthing fun will happen there. maybe not. my senior year was suposed to me more exciting than this. luckily ive got a few things to look forward to.
1) Breckinridge, Colorado - Senior trip
2) Whistler, Brittish Columbia - day after senior trip
3) freaking out because i dont know my lines in the school play
4) tentative euro trip
5) tentative missions trip to ethiopia
hopefully that will kick it up a notch.
until then. stay bored.
enjoy life. -Xian
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| life as of now |
[09 Jan 2006|06:18pm] |
I seem to be regressing in so many things. I felt like ive made a lot of progress this year spiritualy even mentally, but now it feels like its all slipping. i mean, yeah sure i got into a respectable school, but it seems so average to me. Sure, i may seem like i have it all together, but in reality i doubt whether im good enough for my faith, many times a day. how many times is too many times to sin? anyways, im sure that things will get better. its only a question of when.
my pops car died. we dont have luck with automobiles.
i dont feel like saying anything else. this was a bad time to update. maybe later ill redo it. but for now,
enjoy life.
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| ahhhhhhhhh FU! |
[22 Dec 2005|07:21pm] |
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So this weeks been pretty good. Had a fun trip up to the mountains, nobody died... almost nothing broke. The worst part of this week was realizing that I may never drive the blazer again... repairs look like they will be more than I can afford. thats been rather depressing. However good news is that I got accepted into Furman University, and i've been awarded two renewable scholarships, one $5,000 and one $6,000, so about $44,000 over my college career. Thats good news, cause Furman is like 36,000 a year. Anyways, I kinda convinced myself that I still had no idea where I wanted to go to college, but I guess It's time to quit kidding myself. I'm going to Furman.
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| I will never forget you. |
[16 Dec 2005|10:07pm] |
I fucking trashed the blazer. I'm so completely miserable. I miss it like i would a family member. I fucking miss it.
December 16th, 2005.
the day my love died.
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| hear me roar... |
[11 Dec 2005|08:45pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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aqualung |
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christmas break is approaching quickly. hoo rah. tomorrow i have half a day of wasted studies, and pointless parties. then exams tuesday, one wednesday and im done. i wonder what i'll do with myself over the break. the camping trip i was planning may not work out. my friends all have to work.
tryouts went well. too well. i'm maurice, belle's father. hes got a solo and a duet, plus loads of lines. im gonna be in too deep. did i mention i dont know how to sing or read music?
narnia is excellent. go see it.
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| your the target i'm aiming at |
[04 Dec 2005|07:22pm] |
this week's news.
i re-picked up archery. i still rock at it. the problem is ive bent 3 of my 6 remaining arrows. its pretty lame having to fetch them every 5 seconds. so lame that i quit shooting from distances more than 25 yards. too much walking.
tryouts for beauty and the beast were yesterday. i gave a good effort. i dont mind what role i get, itll be fun.
my life is slowly getting more pathetic. i find that im looking forward to reading books more now than i am going out with friends. last time my friends called to go to a movie, i seriosuly considered saying no and reading. however, characteristically, i decided to go out, cause i cant bear the thought that im missing out on fun.
i wish i could do some crazy stuff. i really dont mind what it is. i dont even mind if it killed me. i just wish i could do somthing that mattered. heck, who knows. sometimes i wish i could be a fireman. do somthing crazy and save someones life. i would love that. high school is so boring. safe family life is boring. i want somthing more.
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| theres a beatle on my ceiling |
[28 Nov 2005|08:56pm] |
no really, theres a beetle on my ceiling. i spelled beatle two different ways on purpose. one of them has got to be right.
what is going on in my life right now?
good question. read and thou shalt be enlightened.
my face hurts. poison sumac on the right quadrant. i look awful. but i really dont care how bad i look, i just want the pain to go away.
i find out about my top choice for college on the 15th of december. sitting. waiting. wishing.
i kinda wish my life had more meaning right now. i think im getting my priorities straighter. but they are still far off course.i started reading my bible again. i forgot how cool that stuff can be when your not around your friends. i always seem to forget about everything when im around people. things are hopefully gonna change.
my new buddy harry potter has been encouraging me a lot lately. i wish i could do crazy stuff like fly and play quidditch. i would be so good at quidditch. that rawlings lady sucks for writting really good make believe places.
that beetle is still up there somewhere. i hear it. buzzing.
im pretty stressed out about a whole lot of nothing lately. it really is weird cause i never get stressed out.
sleep is sounding real good about now. my face is killing me.
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| ah, but i almost forgot. |
[03 Nov 2005|04:27pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Damien Rice - Lonelily |
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ever since facebook came around i kinda gave lj the shaft. well not today. today im posting! hmmm... now what to post about?
schools going well, i have descent grades, i even finished a whole college application. im really hoping i get in so i dont have to fill out any others. that my friends is the epitome of laziness. if i dont get some big money to FU, then maybe ill go to chapel hill. their application is shorter than wake forrests.
my moms gone and gotten crippled so im the new mom around these parts. im getting pretty good at cooking, but tonight mrs. kay jones is bringing dinner. glory glory allelujah God be praised amen.
i love other families dinners.
I'm in a band now...i think. it sounds really good, but one of our most crucial members wont practice cause she has to do school stuff or somthing lame like that. anyways. thats my post for now.
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when somthing happens ill let you know. until then facebook me.
much love,
Xian
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| its about time |
[20 Oct 2005|11:17pm] |
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mood |
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cohesive (is that a mood?) |
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music |
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system of a down? haha |
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today in reverse:
Tonights ultimate frisbee was friggin' sweet. kudos to whoever got that together.
soccer game. pretty hawt.
Bertucci's with the XC team. pretty cool, mainly awkward.
Hours of wasting time waiting for the game.
Juvenile Detention Center: 8:00 AM to 3:10 PM.
woke up and realized im just as good looking as i was yeaterday.
The Weekend in normal order:
Tonights frisbee fest was friggin' sweet. i feel like ive already said that.
Heading for the mountains instead of Florida cause Florida aint gonna exist no mo.
Be back either sunday or monday.
much love till then.
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| Sonic Orgasm Part 2 |
[15 Oct 2005|03:58pm] |
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mood |
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whimsical |
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music |
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Sweet Child O' Mine |
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I have seen my two favorite bands, both in the same season. Life rocks musically. Nickel Creek was honestly just as good, argueably better live, as on their CD's. What a unique group. Chris thile played amazingly well, and was terribly funny to top it off. How short was Sean?!?! haha. And oh my goodness, I would marry Sara. I dont even care if shes chubby. She is amazing. Oh yeah, and Leona Naess opened, that was very entertaining. Anyways, it was a great show.
Friday was miserable during school, i had too many tests, and not enough sleep. Then the meet was miserable but i think it was my best time, i may have broken 20. haha. the day was good after that. Despite being very tired, the game was fun, and then afterwards we went to see Elizabethtown. I liked it, despite the fact it was very chick-filmish.
hmmm... so that wraps up my narative of Thursday, October 13th through Friday, October 14th. I hope you enjoyed your read.
Tonite i may go see the play? or i may not. i have yet to decide.
"Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine"
Who loves Guns and Roses now?
I love Guns and Roses now.
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[11 Oct 2005|08:13pm] |
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mood |
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windefuggle |
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music |
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oleander? |
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updates are my anti-homework.
i got kinda freaked out about that bible paper today. im not sure why, generally i put things off very well. then i realized there are so many more things id rather be doing than the bible paper, like annoying little sis, and eating at the grandparents, and whatnot. so naturally i did everything else. i am a better man for it.
This is no-sleep-week. I have to wake up every two hours to make sure my dog doesnt up and die on us. Im not complaining either. just a little tired is all.
Tommorrow is senior day away. heres a history lesson. seniors used to skip this day, because there was no point. now the administration has got all fussy about it, so seniors have to have senior day away. renamed: most pointless day of the year. oh well.
it WILL be fun. if im gonna waste my day. I WILL have fun doing it.
who wants to go bowling sometime? i like bowling. shame i dont bowl more often.
SENIOR QUOTE POLL:
If you were given a choice between these two senior quotes, what would you pick?
"If you dont have fun saying guacamole, your probably pronouncing it wrong."
or
"If your pictures aren't good enough, your not good enough"
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| Killswitch engaged |
[07 Oct 2005|11:47pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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my guitar |
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do you ever all of a sudden get tired and stupid? its like a switch that goes off in my head. i stop reacting normally, all my reactions are snappy and a second too late so they never make sense. i usually have to get away from people so i dont seem rude. Later i laugh at the things i say. usually theyre pretty bad. anyways, tonight i got stupid. luckily i got out fast before i offended anyone. i hope. haha.
hmmm... i may still be in stupid mode cause i seriously contemplated putting this in my lj. and now since its here, i think im gonna post it anyways! being stupid can be fun.
cross country got cancelled today and so did the meet tommorrow. This is irrefutable evidence that there is a God and he is loving, and all powerful. pretty sweet thing for the big guy to do, eh? yeah, i think so.
Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever. - Psalms 136:2
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| It's two a.m... your awake, and so am I. |
[02 Oct 2005|07:20pm] |
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mood |
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crazy exhausted |
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music |
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one six conspiracy (pre-verdict) |
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We won our homecoming game!
Homecoming '05 was a heck of a lot of fun. I picked up my date at her house around 5, and then we took pictures for too long, until about 7. That part wasn't too enjoyable. We ate dinner at Mama Ricotta's, party of 18 under the name "Clint Akers." I am not enirely sure how they confused my name with clint akers when i first reserved tables, but they managed to do it. Everyones dinner was good, except for my white pizza covered in a metric ton of spinach. I think i enjoyed this year more than usual because of the people i went with. Even got to see some of the freshmen in college, it was good to know theyve been enjoying themselves. It mainly just made me jealous. After that we headed over to the dance in the mustang. The dance was a lot of fun. Im pretty confident i was the joke of the dance, but hey, carpe diem, i dont care, i was having a good time. Let it be known Meredith is a saint for putting up with my amazing dancing. haha. Anyways, the dance went by pretty quickly, i was suprised. After the dancing festivities ended and i had thoroughly wowed all the young ladies in the club, we cooled off in the mustang en route to meredith's. On the way we saw this neighborhood with a huge fountain, that had been "bubblefied" so naturally we stopped. nothing more fun than a colossal mass of bubbles. haha, ryan, meagan, meridith and i must have spent at least 45 mintues just playing in the bubbles and driving through walls of them at high speeds. Apres les bubble fest, we headed to the jones' and from there to Steak and Shake. that place is HAPPENIN at 2 in the morning. we had a crazy good ole time in there, and our waitress was crazy to top it off. i think any other restaurant would have kicked us out. From there we went to megan's again, hot tubbed, and then left for ryan's at about 4 in the mornin. at ryans, we watched saved, slept for a few, ate breakfast, watched a life time movie and zoolander, then i left.
All in all it was a goooooood time.
I am so exhausted.
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| The countdown... |
[28 Sep 2005|07:08pm] |
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mood |
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supercalifragilisticexpealidoc |
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music |
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Anything, but law and order |
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Reservations have been made, you may rest in peace.
NINE WORDS: class room decorations tommorrow be there or be square
I have the law and order theme song stuck in my head.
today i raided the bankes shed for bushes.
bownownownownow. thats the bassline form the law and order theme.
what if it was okay to say no?
I kinda just left the bushes in mrs. mcginns room.
who knows who were playing for homecoming?
i hope she doesnt get pissed.
i mean the actual name of the team.
Aparently im an AP scholar now. Thats the lowest award that they give kids.
Charleston was so much fun, kinda want to do construction work now.
bown bown bownownow...
If i have had homework over the past few days im pretty sure i didnt do it.
It's not orange anymore!
I'm thinking even though we arent going to Chuck E Cheeses for homecoming, we should go some time anyways.
what to wear for 80's day?
let me know if your down.
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| The Aftermath... |
[21 Sep 2005|06:43pm] |
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mood |
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 energetic |
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music |
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prague |
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Its the time leading up to homecoming. all the headaches, none of the fun. but hey! im having fun. as a part of this years, "don't know, don't care" campaign, i along with several other guys, have absolutely NO idea whats going on and we are okay with that! I am goin with the lovely meredith meilke, and thats about as much as i know, so if you guys care to fill me in on my dinner plans and all that, feel free. If you would like to join the "don't know, don't care" campaign, joining is easy. See either I or myself for details.
ooo tommorrow i get to read little kids my favorite childrens story and do arts and crafts stuff during 3rd period. ROCK!
Why? i have no idea.
This weekend: Charleston. Its pretty much gonna rule almost as much as i rule. And i rule ALOT. and in the morning Team Alpha is making waffles. for those of you who are lesser informed, were going to charleston to build houses, or somthing fun like that, and i'm capatain of alpha team. my team rules.
Ran some XC today. team "Yeroc Nosyas" came in 15th. and once again team "Alex Kemp" did about how you would expect. even without sickcorey.
apparently i made un petit boo boo. and now people are calling me swallowtail. NOT COOL.
Time now to go pick out my favorite childrens story.
"the real story of the big bad wolf"
or "paddington bear" ?
they never told me senior descisions would be this hard.
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| what you are reading now... |
[14 Sep 2005|06:38pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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I want to live life... - coldplay |
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...is my alternate to a biology free response question and a lab write up.
Like the realization that you had somthing great and its gone, memories of The Windy Gap remind me of how great my growth there truely was. Countless autumns were spent in the mountains, learning about faith, about creation, about my freinds, and about me. Some hated the gap, I enjoyed it; some are glad its gone, I wish it were still there. Rest assured, the memories are still there. Let's not forget them.
To all of you who made Windy Gap what it was, I thank you.
May the good times keep on coming.
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| A sonic orgasmic experience indeed. |
[10 Sep 2005|01:52pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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Fix You (ingrained in my mind) |
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Okay so i was stoked about coldplay. Next to only a handful of bands, coldplay has not produced a single song that is not both enjoyable to listen to, and engorged with musical talent. Last night was pretty awesome. Honestly i expected that Chris Martin's voice would be out from playng in NYC the night before, but boy was i pleasantly suprised. Johnny Buckland is my hero. Who says awkward looking scots cant play? They played a suprising amount of material from A Rush Of Blood To The Head, which was awesome. They even pulled out yellow from parachutes. Point being. If you did not go... you missed out. I sure hope they stick around for one more tour, i would love to see them play again.
Im writting this now cause im recovering from a grueling meet in concord. It was miserable. I hated it. But then i got sonic. On the way home.
I liked it.
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